The Idle Life

Photo courtesy of JMV

If you’re like most people in this day and age, you probably spend a lot of time feeling overwhelmed, overbooked, and stretched way too thin. Between work, family, hobbies, friends, and a thousand other commitments, it can feel like time for yourself is impossible to come by.

Once you get in the habit of saying yes to every request that comes your way, it can be hard to break the cycle. Trying to please everyone can become addictive. You don’t want to let people down or disappoint anyone, so you just keep taking on more and more until you’re drowning in commitments.

Why It’s OK to Say No

While at first it might seem like a good idea to keep saying yes to everything, because it makes you look like a hero to your friends and family, or gets you some recognition at work, there are two reasons why it’s not a good idea.

The first is that eventually you’re going to burn out. It happens to everyone eventually, no matter how much willpower or passion you have. The human body wasn’t meant to operate under stress for long periods of time, and if you keep it at an elevated level of stress for a long time, either your body is going to revolt or you’re eventually going to snap under the strain.

When either of these happens, it usually means that the house of cards you’ve carefully built comes tumbling down, leaving everyone you’re committed to in the lurch. What’s worse, disappointing a few people by being upfront with them and turning down commitments, giving them the opportunity to find other ways to get things done, or suddenly not being able to fulfill any commitments to anyone? Worst of all, you’re the one suffering, which certainly isn’t fair repayment for trying to do good deeds.

The other downside of overcommitment is that no one ever gets your best. Because you can’t devote your full attention to just a few important things, everybody (your boss, your kids, your friends) just gets “what you can spare.” Many people who take on too many commitments aren’t good at prioritizing and make everything Priority #1, so that truly important things get put off so you can address the latest little crisis or task.

Eventually that kind of behavior starts to hurt your work performance, your relationships, and even your personal sense of well-being. We’re happiest when we’re able to focus on things that are most important to us and do our best on those things. When you take on too much, it’s easy to lose track of what’s really important, making you feel like you’re just spinning your wheels and not making progress on what’s most important.

It can also end up coming back to haunt you at work, since your boss isn’t getting to see what you can do when you have time to really dedicate yourself to achieving great things. Instead, they see the results of what you were able to accomplish under a time crunch, and probably while being distracted by a million other tasks. It’s not good for you in the long term. Your boss is going to be happier if you deliver quality results that make him or her look good.

Saying No? Yes, You Can!

OK, two Obama puns is probably more than enough for one article.

At this point, you may be thinking, “Sure, saying no sounds great, but how the hell do I manage it without getting fired or losing friends?”

Two strategies I’ve found that work great for saying no and getting your time back are: Setting Expectations and Blocking Off Time.

One thing I’ve noticed about people who never say no is that they almost never express how overbooked and stretched thin they are to the people who can actually do something about it, like their boss. Instead, they complain to coworkers: “Can you believe Jim just gave me another project to do? Doesn’t he know that I’ve already got 50 hours worth of work to do this week?” My guess is that no, Jim doesn’t know that, especially if you didn’t tell him when he gave you the new project.

In my experience, we really have no idea how busy other people are, even if we have a decent idea of what their responsibilities are. That’s because we’re not mind readers, so we rely on other people to tell us what their status is. Since we’ve all got our own work/issues/etc, we’re probably not considering the impact of another commitment when we ask someone to take something on. We’re too busy thinking about our own.

Setting Expectations Effectively

The key to setting expectations in a way that will actually help you lessen your load is to just be up front and honest. When Jim asks you if you can take on a project that’ll take 20 hours (or even just 2), you’re going to get a lot further if you just say, “Well, I’ve already got about 50 hours of work lined up for this week. If you want this to be my focus, I’m going to need to postpone a bunch of the other stuff to get this done.” Then you two can have a conversation about what the priorities really are, or whether this shiny new project can wait until other work has been completed first.

Doesn’t that seem a lot clearer and more effective than, “OK, I’ll try to fit it in.” In the latter statement, you’ve given no idea how realistic that is, so Jim will be assuming that you will indeed be able to fit it in.

Another important part of setting expectations is first getting clear on what your expectations for yourself and your life are. Do you expect that you shouldn’t have to work more than 40 hours a week to bring home a decent wage, except in rare circumstances that are absolute necessities? Or do you subconsciously expect that in order to have a job you have to take on anything your boss asks, whether it’s reasonable or not?

Personally, spending as much time as possible with my wife and toddler are hugely important to me, so I leave at 5 every day to make sure I can spend as much time as possible with them before our daughter’s bedtime. Could I get more recognition or maybe a promotion if I slaved away for 60 or 70 hours a week? Maybe. Would it make me happier or more fulfilled than the time I spend with my family? No way.

The same goes for your life outside of work: Do you expect that you should have some free time to yourself to read, paint, meditate, or whatever makes you happy, whether it means that other people will have to fend for themselves during those times? Or do you subconsciously expect that you have to be at the beck and call of your kids, your spouse, your social groups, or whoever?

Before you can really start setting expectations with other people (“Sorry, Billy, you’re going to have to pick one sport per season to play. The family needs some downtime each week.”) you need to first be really clear with yourself what you expect out of life. Then you can interact with others from a place of strength and self-assurance, rather than reacting to every request without knowing what it is you really want out of life.

Blocking Off Time

Blocking off time is a pretty simple idea. At least once a day (if not more), just set aside time that you can use to focus, relax, learn, work really hard, whatever you need to do. If it’s time during your work day, set yourself as busy on your calendar so you can’t get invited to meetings. Make this time as inviolate as possible, because it really is just as important as anything else you could do during the day.

Don’t check your email, turn off your IM, don’t answer your phone, whatever you need to do to keep focused during this time. If someone comes by your desk, let them know that you’re right in the middle of something and will get in touch with them as soon as your time block is over. Ask them to email you whatever it is that they need- chances are that you’ll be able to answer them over email later, or they’ll get the help they need from someone else instead.

I recognize that blocking off time isn’t necessarily possible in every type of job. If you’re working on an assembly line or answering phone calls in a customer service job, you probably can’t just ignore everyone during time you’re scheduled for someone else. However, if you’re being given projects that you’re expected to complete, and that you just don’t have time for in your regular schedule, talk to your boss about it. Let them know that you think if you could have two hours of uninterrupted time you could make huge progress or complete the project, rather than taking weeks to finish it while fitting it in around everything else, maybe they’ll let you take that time off the phone when call volume is usually lowest to get the project done. You’ll never know unless you ask, and chances are that they’ll be really happy to get the project finished sooner and with better quality.

You can also practice blocking off time outside of work, too. If practicing a creative hobby of yours, like writing or painting, is important to you, set a time for it in the evening or on the weekend, like 10-12 on Saturday. Let your spouse know that you’re “off duty” during that time, and that you won’t make other plans during that time unless it’s something meaningful to you, like seeing an old friend. Let your spouse do the same thing. Chances are that both of you will enjoy having that stress-free, enjoyable time to pursue what’s important to you, and it’ll likely help you feel less miserable even when you have to do things you don’t want to do.

I hope this post encourages you to “Just Don’t Do It” sometimes in your life. I think you’ll be amazed at how much taking back and honoring your time will do for your attitude, energy, and outlook on life.

Thoughts? Questions? Please leave them in the comments below! I’d love to hear if you’ve been able to start saying no more often in your life.

Reading has always been one of my greatest pleasures in life. I typically finish several books a month, and am always reading at least two books at a time, though often 3 or 4. I own more books than I could ever possibly read, because buying books is one of my favorite things to spend money on, and I can safely say that if I was able to quit working and do whatever I wanted with my time, I would read for several hours every day.

Imagine my horror, then, when I see depressing statistics about how little people read these days. For example, a 2007 study that found that 1 in 4 Americans hadn’t read a single book in the past year, and that the average person reads only 4 books a year. A 2008 National Endowment for the Arts study found that only a slight majority of adult Americans read books, as opposed to not reading books at all (I suppose over the course of a year). On the other hand, the average American now watches 151 hours of TV per month, an all-time high.

How accurate these statistics are, I don’t really know. However, almost everyone I know wishes they had more time to read, and even those who hardly ever read say they would if they had the time. Since I manage to find lots of time to read, I thought I’d share some of my techniques for finding plenty of time to read, and how I read for maximum enjoyment.

How I Make Time to Read

The things I like to read cover a broad range of categories, but if I had to sum up how I read quickly, it would be: I read fiction for pure pleasure and escapism, and non-fiction to expand my horizons. Most of the fiction I read is pretty low-brow, so it’s easy to get caught up in and burn through quickly. On the other hand, the non-fiction I read tends to be on topics you can’t get much exposure to in the workplace, like history, philosophy, science, and psychology/sociology.

I’m a bit of a dilettante, so I often find myself getting really excited about a non-fiction topic, reading half of a book on the subject, and then feeling like I’ve learned enough for now and putting it down and moving on to something else. Some people might object to this, but I find that I end up reading more, and learning more about a lot of different subjects, than trying to slog through a book I’ve lost interest in and finding every excuse to do something else besides read it.

Here are some other tips I use to read as much as possible:

• Read for 15 to 30 minutes right before bed: Unless you’re reading thrillers, it’s a great way to wind down and keep from getting anxious about events of the day or what you have going on in your life. It may seem like 15 minutes a day isn’t much, but reading 15 minutes a day adds up to over 90 hours over the course of a year- regardless of how quickly you read, you should be able to finish at least several books in that amount of time.
• Read under a tree on your lunch break: I’ve started doing this lately, and I really enjoy it. I take a blanket and go to a park near my office and just read, uninterrupted, for almost an hour. Sometimes I end up taking a nap during the course of the break, which makes it even better. You’ll feel like you’ve returned to a simpler time, and get some great reading in at the same time.
• Travel: Although traveling is a worthy pursuit in its own right, I also find that I read a lot while traveling, since there’s plenty of time to read on the plane, on a car trip, or in the hotel room at night. Getting to relax and enjoy a book makes traveling even better.
• Read as soon as you get up on the weekend: This one’s tough for parents, obviously, but if at all possible, getting up and reading for half an hour or an hour first thing on a weekend morning is a great pleasure. Particularly if you can read outside during the summer while it’s cool and quiet.
• Pick up a book instead of using the Internet: I have a hard time with this one myself. Throughout the day, I get bored and hop on the Internet for a few minutes, reading mostly unimportant stories or checking my email for the 10th time that day, when I could be reading something worthwhile for a few minutes instead. Knocking out one chapter of a book can be quick but immensely enjoyable.
• Only read what you want to read, not what you “should” read: Don’t bother worrying about what your peers are reading, or what you think other people are reading, unless you’re genuinely curious. Chances are, no one will call you out for not having read a particular book, and if you’re worried about it, just pick up one of those books that has the synopsis of other books and flip through that, skipping books that you really want to read at some point. Try using a free service like Goodreads to find or invite friends whose opinion on books you trust, and see what they’re reading if you want to find new ideas. Or friend me on there and we can compare the books we love.
• For God’s sake, turn off the TV: I know it can be tough when you get home from a hard day at work and just want to veg out for a while, but I guarantee that you’ll feel better about yourself if you spend your time reading a great book than wasting time watching junk TV instead. And I guarantee that despite a few great shows on TV, there’s not 151 hours of worthwhile TV in a given month. Even if you switch 20 hours of TV a month for 20 hours of reading, you’ll come out way ahead.

I hope this post has gone a little way towards helping you read more, if that’s something you’ve been wanting to do, or has at least convinced you that it really is possible if you make it a priority. If you have any techniques you use to make reading a priority, please feel free to share them in a comment. Happy reading!